Am I making progress ?

The very question is a hindrance, well worth avoiding. Progress implies change, one's desire to become something other than what one imagines oneself to currently be. Since the Self is changeless, the question of progress does not arise.

Yet, this is a question that refuses to go away. We hear stories of other people's experiences, their feeling of consciousness expanding, seeing blue or white lights etc, and then lament our lack of any progress since those experiences never seem to come to the majority of us. We begin feeling low, start looking for techniques that others have had success with, perhaps practice a few of them before beginning to feel low again.

The right attitude to 'Am I making progress?' is to ask 'To whom does this question arise?'. The question is just one of myriad doubts that arise and disappear. A yes or a no answer does not change what one is, it just influences what one imagines oneself to be. Looking for experiences is certainly not a technique, experiences come and go and hence are not noteworthy.

All experiences, doubts, answers only vindicate one thing - that I Am. Without 'I' being present, who would know of this question ? Or the answer ? Ignoring the question of progress, the right thing to do, if it can be called so, is to focus the attention back on the Self.

The search for Truth is yours alone

In your spiritual search, you might have read a lot, met a few Gurus or attended several satsangs. You may have discussed these ideas with friends or family members. If you believe in a God, you might be praying each day. You might try yoga, meditation, chanting of mantras. You might have read about chakras, kundalini or mystic powers that one can achieve through such practices.

Whether you realize or not, your effort becomes coloured with ideas and beliefs that have stuck in your mind during your search. At some point, you have to realize that the search is entirely yours and that the discovery of Truth will also be yours alone. A Guru can provide guidance, but you have to discover and experience it for yourself.

Why not step back, for a moment leave aside all that you have learnt and begin with the basics, starting from what is your personal, direct experience.

• You know you exist or 'I am' without requiring any external proof.
• You know 'I'm aware', again without any proof required.

Now do this quick exercise, focusing on your own experience and yours alone.

• Close your eyes. You see nothing, no objects, shapes not even your own body. A person might stand besides you and tell you what things look like, but you can neither see the person nor any thing else. This is your direct experience.
• Close your ears as well. All external sounds disappear. Now, neither are there any visible forms nor any external sounds. The person who was standing besides you is neither visible nor audible.
  
• Notice you are still aware when two of your senses are closed. Is it inconceivable that if all your senses were shutdown, nothing physical would exist for you, but you would, and so would your awareness ? Would you be aware of the existence of the chair or bed you are sitting on if your sense of touch was shutdown as well?
  
• Through all this, don't you have awareness of your thoughts and the very strong belief that when you open your eyes and ears, all things will come back into your awareness?

Now pause and think for a moment. When your senses shutdown, there is still 'I am', there is still awareness, there is still a mind as known by awareness of your thoughts. However, the physical world, all people and objects with it, and your own body are non existent. This is your direct experience.

This should make you wonder that the 'I am' is in no way dependent on the physical world or your body. This 'I am' is witness to the the physical world when it appears, i.e. when your senses are active. People, objects and places appear in awareness when the senses are active and disappear when the senses are shutdown.

Does this not give you a sense of 'I alone am' and that everything appears and disappears in Awareness, which always is ?

If 'I am' is not the body, it could be the mind. Now, you conclude you have a mind by its nature, that is thoughts. Thoughts are not continuous, but come one by one with gaps in between. But your sense of 'I am' is quite constant and continuous, even when your mind is still. 'I am' is there when your breath stops for a while between inhaling and exhaling. It is there between heartbeats.

What exists as 'I am' between thoughts ? Or between heartbeats or between breaths? Self-enquiry is the path to discovering the true Self by focusing on what is always there with you for most part, the sense of 'I am' and Awareness. Everything else appears and disappears from Awareness.

Self-enquiry is to focus on what you always are - Awareness, and not the objects in your perception. Instead of focusing on objects that you see, hear, touch, taste or smell, turn inwards and stay in awareness. Instead of focusing on thoughts, turn inwards and focus on awareness of the thoughts.

This is the shortest path to what you seek.

The Direct Path

"There is the existence of a Supreme or Absolute that can not be described in words or grasped by mind. At best, one can describe it as Sat-Chit-Ananda or Existence-Awareness-Bliss, or, simply refer to it as 'That'. 'That' alone Is." This Absolute or Supreme being is not an object of perception, but the very experience.

Now, you don't have to believe it, indeed, a Guru telling you about the saying in Vedas, 'Tat Tvam Asi' or 'THAT you are', is merely a pointer for your consideration. One is supposed to conclude only by experience that 'Aham Brahmasmi' or 'I am Brahman', Brahman being the name of the Supreme Being in Indian philosophy.

The exploration of this idea is called Self-Enquiry in Vedanta, trying to understand who or what the 'I' that we use several times a day is. The two relatively recent gurus who have been considered as self-realized are Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta Maharaj. Both give pointers to the process of self-enquiry, one can use either or both as it resonates with one's understanding.

Think

Nisargadatta advised one to focus on the one indisputable fact, 'I Am'. To understand what 'I am', one has to eliminate all that one can not be. Then, one should go beyond 'I am' until the conclusion dawns that 'I am That'. To do this, he is known to have said, 'What you perceive, you can not be, since the perceived can not be the perceiver'.

• You are certain that you have a body because you can perceive it.
  
• You infer you have a body by perception of your senses.
• Without perception of your senses, you wouldn't have been aware of your body or the world.
  
• You perceive all your thoughts.
• You perceive every single feeling, emotion etc.
• What you perceive you can not be, since the perceived can not be the perceiver.
• 'I can be nothing that I can imagine myself to be, since every idea, notion, concept, thought would be instantly perceived by my Self.'
  
• 'I am, but nothing that I can perceive'.
• 'Even the sense of 'I Am' is perceived by my Self'.
  

Ramana Maharshi advocated holding on to the 'I' thought , tracing it right down to the source of where the sense of 'I' arises from, and staying with that source.

• You begin with the intent to find your true self by asking yourself 'Who am I?".
• You hold on to the 'I' thought, keep paying attention to it.
  
• You may get distracted with something.
  
• Ask yourself, 'To whom did it occur?'
  
• The mind replies with a thought 'To me'.
• Ask yourself ' Who am I' ?
• It may help if to begin with, you negate what you can not be with what Nisargadatta taught, that you can not be what your perceive.
• Realize that there is no answer to 'Who am I', there is only silence. Abide in that silence, keep paying attention to the feeling of 'I'.
  

Putting it into practice
There isn't really a practice or a method beyond self-enquiry, but some preparation will surely help. The first step is to create a doubt about your established beliefs. See the next post.

Practicing in daily life

The Practice

So, how does one put this into constant practice ? By turning one's attention inwards, to the sense of 'I am' and that which is aware of the 'I am'.

Note: To make up your own mind, or to learn more about the subtleties of Ramana Maharshi's teachings, you may want to read the book 'Be As You Are' by David Godman or 'The Path of Sri Ramana Part One' by Sadhu Om.

Quite simply, "Turn your attention to the source of the 'I' thought".

' My hand doesn't tell me it's mine, I feel it is. The body doesn't tell me it's mine, nor does the breath nor heartbeats, yet I feel they are all mine. Thoughts keep appearing in my mind, they don't tell me they are mine, I believe they are, that I'm thinking. Where does this sense of I, me, mine arise from ?"

The objective is to discover your true self, therefore your practice begins with an inquiry about your real self, 'Who am I?'

• Find some quiet time for reflection. For starters, just ponder, "I keep referring to everything, including my body, senses, thoughts and mind as mine, then who am I? What is the source of this sense of 'I, me mine'? Where does this sense of 'I' arise from ?
• Ignore everything else that distracts you, keep your attention on this 'I' thought, the source from where it arises. If you keep paying attention to this, you'll find that all other perceptions will start fading away.
• If you get distracted, you can turn inwards again by thinking 'I got distracted, but where did this feeling of 'I' arise from ?
• These helpful thoughts should not be repeated over and over again, you'll find it'll become less and less necessary with practice, just keep your attention on this sense of 'I', where it arises from.

At any other time during the day :

• You can keep this attention on your Self, the sense of 'I' by asking yourself at any time during your normal daily routine - "Who's experiencing all this ? Who's aware of all this" ? Follow this with paying attention to where the sense of 'I' arises from. It may help if you defocus your eyes as you think the above, defocussing automatically draws your attention away from the objects in your perception.
  

Other possibilities

At a specific time :

• Initially, find some time for self-inquiry. It may help if you begin with reminding yourself that you can not be what you can perceive and use it to negate the body, senses, thoughts or the mind.
• Take a breath and pause for a moment. Pay attention to the feeling/being when the breath has stopped and stay with that feeling. Notice that 'I am' when the breath has stopped.
  
• Breathe out and pause for a moment. Note the feeling/being when the breath has stopped and stay with the feeling.
• Notice that this feeling is the same whenever the breath has stopped, whether after breathing in or breathing out.
• Continue, notice how that being/feeling stays in the background even when you are breathing. Pay attention to this feeling/being instead of the breath. As you do, you'd notice that your breath fades into the background.
  
• Be aware and abide in that feeling/being as it appears in the gaps, do not focus on the breathing.
• If your mind wanders after a while, bring your attention back to the pause between the breath and then keep paying attention to that.
  
• Abide in the awareness of your being, for as long as you want.

Subsequently, you can continue being aware of your being even during your normal daily activities

• Defocus your eyes, turn your attention inwards by the single thought, "All of this appears to me, all of this merely indicates that I'm aware".
  
• When walking, stay with the awareness that appears before each step is taken and after, and notice how this awareness stays with you between the steps as well.
• When repeating a name or mantra in your mind, say 'Rama, Rama', be aware of the being/feeling in the gap between the two repetitions until you stay with that and then ignore the chanting.
• When your mind seems extremely active, i.e. too many thoughts, remind yourself that you are aware of the awareness of thoughts, turn your attention to the pause between the breath as outlined above.
• Focus not on the objects that you see, but your awareness of the seeing. Or hearing etc.
• Remind yourself that all objects in your sensory perception merely prove that you are awareness. That means, turn your focus away from the objects and into the fact that you are aware.
  
• Be aware of your being whenever possible, abide in it.
• Know that you are only awareness, not any object that you perceive, i.e. your body, senses, thoughts or mind.
• This is not an intellectual exercise, i.e. thinking, but trying to abide in the feeling of being. Helpful and guiding thoughts should be kept to a minimum.